


Naughty or Nice

by cmonlauraweremarriednow



Series: Bad MSR [3]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Christmas, Crack, NSFW, Smut, bad fic is the best fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-03-06 08:16:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13407165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmonlauraweremarriednow/pseuds/cmonlauraweremarriednow
Summary: Mulder and Scully get it on in the spirit of the season.





	Naughty or Nice

**Author's Note:**

> Intentionally terrible, entirely indecent, and absolutely NSFW. You will ~~definitely~~ probably be scarred and unable to look at this holiday the same way again.

Mulder was sitting at his desk in the Office of Misfit FBI Agents when Scully appeared the doorway. They were the last ones in the Hoover building on the night before Christmas. Not a creature was stirring and they were finally all alone. She was dressed in a short red skirt with fur trim, a green velvet bra, and five-inch sparkly heels. An antlered headband was nestled in the silky crimson tresses that flowed over her exposed shoulders pale as snow.

“Ho ho ho,” said Mulder, eying Scully’s sexy holiday getup.

Scully sauntered over to him with a sexy sway of her ample hips, her voluptuous breasts bouncing merrily. She hadn’t had sex in over a week and she was going to climb him like a Christmas tree. The six geese would not be the only ones a’laying tonight.

“I better be your only ho,” Scully responded saucily with a wink.

“Yes, you definitely are,” Mulder salivated, his cock rapidly hardening. “Have you been a good girl this year?”

“So very very good. Let me show you how good I can be.”

Scully sat down on his lap and began to grind her hips into his throbbing Christmas package.

“Why Mulder, is that a candy cane in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“Oh, I have a very special candy cane for you to suck on.”

Mulder grabbed her hips and thrust up against her, gasping as her sweet juices soaked through his pants. “Scully, you lied to me. You have been very, very naughty this year. Good girls always wear panties.”

“Oops. I suppose I must have forgotten. Maybe I do belong on the naughty list after all,” Scully pouted.

“My my my,” Mulder said, fingering her antlers with one hand and her fur curtain with the other. “Someone is a horny Vixen tonight.”

“Reindeers have antlers, Mulder,” Scully retorted, giving him that look. “Horns consist primarily of keratin while antlers are a bony growth…”

“You want to feel a bony growth?” Mulder growled, interrupting her diatribe by sealing his lips over hers. He arched his hips up into the sugarplum curve of her ass. She knew he always hardened when she talked science to him. Mulder plunged his fingers knuckle deep inside her, swirling them in her sweet sticky icing before dragging them up to his mouth and sucking them clean.

“Mmm Scully, you taste so good! God, I can never get enough of it.”

Scully licked the remnants of her icing from his lips, seeking entrance, and twined the fingers of one hand into his hair like garland around a pine branch. The other hand slid down to his hips to pull at the strings and unwrap his giant Christmas package. Scully galloped feverishly against his thigh, as excited as a child on Christmas morning. She couldn’t wait to jingle his bells. It was her favorite Christmas tradition. With his wrappings finally tossed aside, Scully wound her fingers around his North Pole, delighting in the way it grew more sizes than the Grinch’s heart. Snowstorm Mulder was a’brewing and Scullyland was about to get eight inches.

“Oh Mulder, look at the size of your Christmas balls! They’re so big!” She moved her hand even lower to give his roasting chestnuts a hearty squeeze, aching to have them closer to the open fire of her burning loins. His surprised gasp morphed into a strangled moan as she inched her pinky even lower, into his golden ring. Mulder nestled his face in her snowy hills, dipping his tongue past the velvet cup to swipe a peppermint spiral around her turgid nipple until it pebbled beneath his tongue. Scully whimpered in pleasure and clutched his head closer to her downy breast.

Mulder could feel her swollen love nub throbbing against his leg as she thrashed wildly in his lap. His eyes rolled back in his head as her nutcracker grip on his foxy cock tightened. If he wasn’t inside her faster than you could say Rudolph, he was going to burst his Christmas cracker.

He managed to gasp her name and Scully knew immediately what he needed. What they both needed. She scrambled off his lap and onto all fours on the floor, hiking her short skirt up her hips and thrusting her perky ass in the air. Her wet lips glistened in the dim light of the office.

“Ohhh ride me like the bad, bad reindeer I am, Santa. Put me on your naughty list!” Scully cried.

Mulder gripped her hips and His Spookiness twitched in anticipation. He draped his body over hers and leaned down to whisper in her ear.

“Mmm Scully, you  _are_  naughty, tempting me like this on Christmas Eve when you know I can’t resist. I’m going to stuff your stocking so good, it’ll be a Christmas you’ll never forget.”

Mulder plunged his blazing Yule log into her tight wet chimney, her walls as soft as the velvet of her bra. His giant sack of goodies smacked satisfyingly against her ass with each thrust. A dazzling array of colored lights burst behind his eyes as she milked him with the strength of seven maids. He fingered her engorged gumdrop and rammed his firewood into her swollen folds over and over, sparks crackling.

“…my good girl, mine, all mine.”

Mulder thrust his hips forward and landed his sleigh in her arctic circle a final time, moaning jollily as her glaciers melted around him.

“Oh happy birthday Baby Jesus!” Scully cried out in ecstasy, quivering as Mulder filled her with his Christmas joy.

Mulder collapsed on top of her and gasped into her neck, their combined creamy eggnog dripping down their thighs.

“This is definitely the reason for the season…”

-

From his hallway hiding place, Walter the elf finished observing the scene before him, unbeknownst to the objects of his surveillance. He straightened his glasses and crept out of sight.

“Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make me the happiest clam in all the sea  
> You can also follow me on Tumblr [@realmofextremepossibility!](http://realmofextremepossibility.tumblr.com)


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